that don't warrant a page by themselves
or seem to fit better here
pending poems index
chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page
audio files can be complemented by listening to them with the eyes closed !
loves
autumn
and
autumn
loves
spring
loves
autumn
and
autumn
loves
spring
you
want
to
understand
reality
you
do
at
some
point
in
your
life
have
to
undo
all
the
erroneous
stuff
you
have
taken
on
board
before
you
worked
out
how
to
do
it
on
the
fly
with
your
ongoing
picking
up
error
it's
weird
to
look
back
on
science
fiction
bankrupt
except
for
stanislaw
lem
it's
illuminating
to
listen
to
authors
of
books
you
have
read
they
are
boring
people
i
really
think
string
theory
is
looking
at
the
boundary
condition
of
the
existing
universe
wether
it
exists
or
not
and
that's
how
it
makes
progress
it
always
happens
that
the
wrong
reject
the
right
since
i
know
what
it's
about
then
it's
inevitable
i
get
rejected
isn't
it ?
that
is
what
has
always
happened
and
always
will
i
guess
since
i
know
what
it's
about
then
it's
inevitable
i
get
rejected
isn't
it ?
that
is
what
has
always
happened
and
always
will
i
guess
since
i
know
what
it's
about
then
it's
inevitable
i
get
rejected
isn't
it ?
that
is
what
has
always
happened
and
always
will
i
guess
zen
sutra
relative
and
absolute ”
is
garbage
wether
it
always
was
or
got
butchered
over
the
years
is
difficult
to say
my
personal
view
is
we
are
not
seeing
the
original
poems
of
shitou xiqian
either
the
relative
and
absolute ”
or
of
the
grass
hut ”
they
got
garbled
or
are
or the original meaning has been lost through changes in the sense of words,
particularly a loss
of
poetic
multilayering
who
say
are
busy
removing
themselves
from
the
situation
we
are
not
decoupled
from
what
we
do
we
get
shaped
by
what
we
do
the
daisies
shine
my
god
i'm
turning
into
a
daisy !
still
can't
get
used
to
getting
older
writing
you
have
to
rearrange
your
life
and
put
the
work
in
there
is
something
unbounded
about
the
universe
even
unbounded
discussion
is
not
censorship
children
being
half
their
father's
is
another
of
the
tricks
that
nature
plays
on
women
think
philosophy
has
some
scope
if
it
has
no
scope
it's
not
philosophy
question :
is
wisdom
literature
philosophy ?
the
usa
a
culture
of
mass
ignorance
one
of
the
best
i
have
ever
read
death
i
am
earth
wet
brown
leaf
skeletons
meld
to
my
face
there
are
no
benign
communist
regimes
all
murderous
physics
is
not
philosophy
curiously
parallel
but
i
don't
think
it
touches
we
just
pass
on
from
one
thing
to
another
no
recollection
i
want
to
pass
out
of
life
i
want
to
cease
to
exist
no
i
am
not
suicidal
P
h
d
putrid
harlot
dehabilitated
feynman
genius
but
there's
a sort
of
narrowness
there
about life ?
it's
like
only
somethings
are
a
problem
but
everything
is
a
problem
you
blinker
out
the
unsatisfactory
and
only
deal
with
the
satisfactory
i
don't
see
that
works
and
it
didn't
work
for
him
women
are
a
biological
machine
specialized
in the upbringing
of
children
and
the
manipulation
of
men
and
not
much
else
you
plagarizing
sons
of
bitches !
sometimes
it
pays
to
cheat
: o )
authors
can
be
much
more
interesting
than
their
books
infinity
has
it's
problems
too
from
your
point
of
view
it
has
a lot
of
costs
t
i
not
that
interesting
if
you
ain't
writing
for
yourself
you
are
a
fool
the
tincture
of
bitterness
permeates
everything
am
old
enough
that
events
current
in
my
youth
russian
communism
nuclear
testing
post
WWII
are
disappearing
the
weirdness
of
life
eroding
away
men
die
in
just
as
much
misery
as
the
ungreat
how
beyond
reasonable
doubt
works
is
like
this
if
the
jury
finds
a
person
in
ten
will
be
innocent
if
the
jury
finds
for
guilty
doubt ”
one
in
one
hundred
will
be
innocent
i
know
is
sometimes
there
can
be
gifts
other
times
you
have
to
work
it
out
a
lifetime
is
less
than
a
grain
of
sand
on
a
beach
in
terms
of
disputation
potential .
issac
asimov
bizarre
to be born during the russian civil war
work out how
universes
would appear
under string theory
7
years before
string theory
made
these
predictions
and
then to die of
aids
from
a
blood
transfusion
during
heart
surgery
what
an
astounding
span
of
experience !
fundamentally
things
are
wrong
and
always
will be
the
stance
that
just
about
everybody
takes
is
that
somethings
are
wrong
and
need
to
be
fixed
boards
steer
a
long
keeled
path
to
evening
what
vast
distances
separate
me
from
my
previous
self
if
i
was
a
prophet
i'd
be
spending
the
insights
on
the
sharemarket
and
futures
all
we
are
is
candles
that
burn
out
i
am
too
certain
of
the
topic
hubris
and
ennui
have
nothing
on
me
what
is
the
point
of
all
this
meditation
and
discussion
and
thinking
if
at
the
end
there's
no
point
to
anything
at
all ?
thank
bloody
god
charles
you
broke
me
out
of
religion
and
zen
and
springwater
but
not philosophy
unfortunately
bukowski
took
a
wrong
turning
in a
life
sense
you
can
see
it
in
his
writing
he
talks about the magnificent views on the coast drive
to
a
racetrack
and
when visiting
an
ex
and
being
driven
to
a
greyhound
race
track
and
seeing
the
escarpements
in
the
moonlight
on
the
way
there
there's
criticism
thats
negative
and
criticism
that
catches
the
ball
and
passes
it
back
what
does
the
future
hold ?
what
did
it
hold
anyway ?
censorship
was
invented
by
women
theres
no
more
insurmountable
barrier
to
real
literary
fame
than
being
alive
to
claim
credit
for
it
it's
come
to
this
i
have
to
lie
about
what
i
do
because
people
can't
cope
with
it
the
developer
of
the
biofilm
carbohydrate
diet
and
compendium
supplement
program
and
i
write
poetry
and
homilies ”
i
can
already
see
the
averted
glances !
“ I really like it, but theirs something i don't understand, did the man die, and did the adults? do it ”
reply
“ it's synthetic, it straddles the real and the imaginary ”
charles
bulowski
supreme
pig
but
honest
with
it
to
a
certain
point
anyway
nothing
like
a
bit
of
steak
to
invigorate
the
mind
homilies
you
can
just
about
always
read
them
two
or
three
ways
this
is
always
other
people
and
never
ourselves !
~ ~ ~ air ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ is ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ full ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ of ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ spiderwebs ~ ~ ~
religion
takes
ordinary
minds
into
areas
they
are
not
equipped
to
handle
and
makes
them
more
stupid
the
more
i learn about women and hormones, the more thankful i am to be male as i age
what
happens
when
we
die ?
that
last
spluttering
of
conciousness
ceases
then
ceases
permanently
my
life
should
be
a
litany
of
things
going
wrong
i
don't
know
probably
because
i
see
things
that
way
and
tend
to
push
things
close
to
the
edge
theres
opinions
by
people
who
know
what
they
are
talking
about
and
there's
opinions
by
idiots
evolution
is
not
passive
it
has
designed
our
brains
to
be
deliberately
blind
to
certain
things
like
the
ephemeralness
of
life
proust
is
perhaps
the
best
example
of
attention
that
should
have
gone
into
thinking and
experimenting
with
his
health
going
into
writing
and
understanding
life
you
are
dying
how
much
meaning
does
anything
have ?
dying
is
an
intrusion
on
life
or
is
life
an
intrusion
on
dying
OR
is
dying
an
intrusion
on
life
or
life
an
intrusion
on
dying ?
theres
so
little
that
stays
it
all
just
disappears
success
is
a
subset
of
failure
it's
a
type
of
failure
i
don't
hold
the
truth
as
ultimate
in
the
end
it's
just
a
name
like
everything
else
i
couldn't
sleep
except
for
the
need
to
keep
looking
over
your
shoulder
you
don't
want
to
get
too
precious
about
poetry
one
of the
best
i have
ever seen
was
by
a
teenage
woman
self
harm
cutting
depression
i
don't
even
know
if
shes
alive
or
not
there's
no
help
the
usual
bad
treament
and if your
poems
survive
your
death
they
are
used
by
a
bunch
of
wankers
to
garner
income
that
you
never
saw
a
penny of
the
world
now
is
nothing
but
crummy
self
absorbed
idiots
it
didn't
always
use
to
be
that
way
at
least
not
so
completely
so
wasn't
going
to
make
the
same
mistake
i
am
so
full
of
catastrophes
i
never
cease
to
stop
discovering
them
theres
a huge
unevenness
in
life
and
your
life
if
you
can't
see
it
you
are
lacking
imagination
recursive
the end
swallows
the
beginning
in
death
ANGST !
thats
the
claim
declaiming
the
claim
is
infinity
for
monsters
Charles
Bukowski
once
you
leave
aside
the
biographers
gloss
was
an
arsehole
i
don't
think
he
would
deny
it
maybe
he
would
maybe
he
wouldn't
god
doesn't
have
a
particularly
attractive
personality
bit
of
an
arsehole
actually
lets
put
it
this
way
i
have
seen
more
attractive
personalities
endless
empty
full
of
themselves
yeah
emily
dickinson
throw
aside
any
hold
on
meaning
when
you
enter
here
it's
really
just
a
deconstruction
of
DOG
is
god ?
nobody
knows
an
exiled
dog ?
i
am
feeling
really
disaffected
life
devoid
of
any
meaning
just
stupid
writing
it's
not
as
though
it
has
any
meaning
an
endless
sameness
no
love
to
glue
my
life
together
it
was
a
fiction
anyway
dickinson
couldn't
have
existed
today
she
would
have
been
vaccinated
and
medicated
into
imbecility
ADHD
&
AUTISTIC
BISEXUAL
why
does
all
this
have
to
be
written ?
it's
killing
me
the
viewpoint
is
different
life
or
what
we
think
of
as
life
is
an
image
not
real
a
reflection
can
this
be
seen ?
i
don't
think
it
can
the
identity
of
the
image
with
the
real
is
what
is
of
interest
my
own
insanity
gets
to
me
sometimes
is
a
vocabulary
when
you
understand
the
deep
structure
different
forms
of
expression
are
no
problem
i
didn't
worship
mammon
thats
for sure !
didn't ignore him either tho
i
might
as
well
have
how
dissonant
johnson's
lineation
of
emily
dickinson !
you
can
only
live
on
the
net
to
a
certain
point
every
successive
day
the
world
is
not
improved
one
iota
don't
sweat
what
you
can't
control
infinity
for
poodles ”
this
poodle
is
in
love
with
infinity
only
value
in
a
poem
is
where
it
came
from
wether
it
is
read
afterwards
doesn't
matter
let
it
speak
for
itself
we
have
too
much
of
the
modern
disease
of
saying
something
should
be
what
it's
not
think
if
you
do
something
really
well
you
are
not
conscious
of
it
at
all
a
basic
human
dilemma
writing
for
oneself
and
others
centuries
of
madmen
am
i
joining
them ?
marina tsvetaeva
poor
stupid
bitch
lifes
sum
come
to
nothing
as much
as
anybody
else
you
don't
get
migraine
too
satisfied
with
the
world
too
prepared
to
compromise
personal
integrity
with
the
hogwash
of
the
masses
i
think
i'm
ready
to
become
an
invalid
driven
everywhere
looked
after
fed
who
will
do
that ?
& nbsp;
why
does
it
take
6
characters
to
make
one
space ?
i
think
i'd
rather
been
less
sane
and
had
an
easier
life
how
does
one
become
a
clear
thinker
one
sees
one
is
not
a
clear
thinker
humans
are
not
designed
for
this
stuff
everyone
is
different
you
can
admire
the
strengths
of
what
is
not
you
but
be
aware
that
you
will
only
make
progress
by
an
alignment
of
your
natural
abilities
with
what
you
are
working
on
cared
for
by
his
and
mother
after several strokes
in his
last year/s
*sigh*
it's
funny
that
the
brain
is
so
much
more
plastic
than
the
gentials
everything
is
so
specialized
now
that
people
are
not
used
to
thinking
for
themselves
and
expect to
pay
for
some-one
to
do
it
for
them
they
never
get
pushed
outside
their
boundaries
teachers
are
a bunch
of
fakes
if
the
jews
really
controlled
the
world
there
wouldn't
have
been
a
german
left
alive
after
WWII
one
realises
eventually
there's
almost
no
audience
for
quality
or
originality
out
there
religion
the
arts
lay
readers
just endless
schmucks
imposing
their
crappy
view
of
the
world
on
you
if
they
have
the
opportunity
jealousy
to
women
is
like
water
to
fish
was investigating carthage and found this pic
gee
it
looked
nice
and then remembered emily dickinsons
poem about
the
mail
from
tunis
and
found
what's interesting
is
to
compare
the two
versions
and
how
much better
the more
dropped
down
one
reads
an
editor
is
a
fool
that
plays
the
fool
and
is
not
a
fool
man
to
woman
purpose
in
life ? ”
woman
clothes ”
purpose
in
life ”
you
to
buy
clothes ”
woman
goes
on
not
expecting
the
penny
to
drop
sir
henry
neville
was
an
according
to
sir
francis
bacon
it
goes
with
the
territory
it's
a
big
mistake
to
do
things
too
completely
it's
also
it's
a
big
mistake
not
to
do
things
completely
enough
do
you
donate
blood ?
i
mean
apart
from
marriage ?
if
you
make
a
mistake
start
remedying it
immediately
this
can
be
as
simple
as
going
over
what
to
do
next time
poetry
reading
can
be
a bit
tricky
sometimes
you
can
pick
immediately
wether
it's
good
or
trash
other
times
it
can
be
what
you
don't
want
to
hear
and
takes
a
while
to
appreciate
it
my
sins
i
became
an
EDITOR
women
scorned
get
retaliatory
if
you
make
a
decision
and
are
able
to
enforce
it
you
start
to
believe
in
it
so
to
speak
why
are
people
so
diseased ?
brains
as
foul
a
s
a
garbage
pit
dark
stockings
means
varicose
veins
i'd
rather
drive
a
tractor
than
argue
with
an
academic
schopenhauer
was
basically
sane
which
is
more
than
can
be
said
of
most
philosophers
capable
groups
tend
to
wars
and
conflicts
the
way
bees
tend
to
flowers
it's
such
a
human
trick
the
inauthentic
claiming
to
be
authentic
small
minds
are
small
because
they
resist
enlargement
had
the
right
idea
he
shot
his
philosophy
tutor
women
are
not
easy
to
bring
to
heel
in
that
how
can
the
slave
ever
bring
the
master
to
heel
the
newspapers
will
spin
up
anything
that
gets
a
readers
attention
i
have
got
too
old
and
melancholy
i
don't
believe
in
anything
even
living
it's
no
good
we
are
different
species
the
thing
about
some
gender
blurred
women
i
notice
is
you
think
they
are
more
male
but
by
god
they
can
be
more
female !
heidegger
said
we
have
to
experience
everything
thats
being
wrong
as
well
as
right
sorta
ironic
toni
didn't
believe
in
the
zen
forms
liturgy
robes
hierarchy
but
she
kept
sitting
vegetarianism
interviews
transmission
i didn't believe in sitting
vegetarianism
or
anything really
we
both
left
i
think
toni
packer
talks
too
much !
why
would
anybody
want
to
teach
people ?
whats
the
point
of
it
all ?
the
road
to
infinity
and
back ?
miss
her
ears ”
free
john
just
another
ordinary
man
life
and
death
are
a
pair
of
what ?
testicles ?
breasts ?
nuts ?
as
regards
investigating
reality
i
never
compromised
and
it
somewhat looked after me
living
by
yourself
cooking
eating
cleaning
gardening
sleeping
working
money
computer
mowing
living
girlfriend
lover
your
brain
is
always
being
pulled
apart
after
death ?
i
do
not
particularly
want
to
be
alive
after
death
sexually
deprecated
loathsome
schmucks
spreading
their
vileness
over
everything
men
and
women
google's
and ebay's
huge
value
inflation
didn't
come
from
nowhere
it
came
from
the
printed
media
and
at
it's
expense
bleat on
murdock
you
are
doomed !
there
is
no
largest
number
thats
a
form
of
infinity
but
there
is
also
no
smallest
number
thats
another
form
of
infinity
is
a
very
mutative
use
of
language
politics -
alliances
formed
and
wars
fought
something
is
better
than
nothing
though
often
not
a lot
better
very
hard
to
get
that
99.9999%
of
religious
and
philosophical
thought
is
plain
wrong
and
quadzillions of
years
hours
eternities
across
unnumbered
universes
wasted
politics
has
it's
origins
in
female
competition
for
men
can
so
many
people
be
so
wrong
all
the
time
it's
the
norm !
religion
is
very
boring
people
continuing
to
be
boring
if
you
are
going
to
solve
the
puzzle
of
life
you
are
going
to
have
to
expect
reality
to
move
to
accomodate
your
deficiencies
which
it
will
you
get
to
the
point
where
you
don't
expect
people
to
understand
because
they
don't
and
can't
and
won't
even
da
free
john
a
JESUS !!!!!!!
mrs.
is
alive
and
well
in
australia
i
am
a
winter
ray
of
sunshine
eileen
my
little
now
thats
a
fantasy
a
little
retirement
village
for
used
lab
rats
and
mice
dying
must
be
no
big
deal
it
occurs
so
often
to
the
fatties
who
complain
about people
being
skinny
a
dolphin
is lithe
to
a
whale
you
don't
do
anything
it's
amazing
how
much
extra
time
you
have
got
women
take
to
spending
like
ducks
to
water
is
that
though
it's
just me
one
in
a billion
that
a lot
of
my
opinions
are
unique
like
i
must
be
the
only
one who
thinks
there
is
a
positive
side
to
an
ozone
hole
why
is
it
those
who
understand
most
are
poorest ?
if
you
are
thinking
of
writing
a
story
and
looking
at
sir
henry
neville
one
thing
you
will
notice
is
the
public
has
a
tolerance
of
utterly
improbable
plots
was
insane
zen
is
like
a
poison
that
has
seeped
into
the
soul
so
many
years
to
spill
it
out
we
all
turn
into
old
fools
soon
enough
and
some
wise
ones
i
suffer
from
the
delusion
i
exist
i
love
but
even
so
marriage
is
a
hard
word
to
pronounce
if
you
watch
are
just
enriching
fakeness
the
lotus
thats
my
life
at
the
moment
ado
about
nothing
an
unmitigated
tear
jerker
set
on
mania
standard
soap fare
we
don't
really
live
long
enough
to
get
a
grip
of
anything
i
think
sir
henry
neville
had
an
over
benign
view
of
people
in
power
a
little
jane
austenish
he
paid
the
price
two
years
in
the
tower
the
twelfth
night
fatuous
unreal
enjoyable
with festes
singing
the
real
along
the
stars
are
in
your
eyes
how
special
they
are !
i
think
i
am starting
to
appreciate
sir
henry
neville
i
almost
wrote
have
to
make
the
transition
enlightenment
holiness
even
plain
saneness
it
really
just
consists
of
seeing
how
wrong
we
are
all
the
time
i
watched
the
12th
night
then
i
realized
i
was
anti - escapist
but
i
loved
it !
there
are
different
ways
to
become
pyschotic
through
the
imagination
too
much
and
too
much
through
the
real
people
need
escapism
just
don't
live
by
it
it's
really
weird
to
understand
yourself
one
of
the
problems
of
believing
that
shakespeare
wrote
shakespeare
and
not
sir
henry
neville
is
that
you
develop
a
totally
unreal
expectation
of
synthesis
whereas
in
reality
it
was
all
sir
henry
neville's
life
experience
the
usa
is
sitting
on
top
of
a
genetic
genocide
no-one dies
or most don't
but in
terms
of
genetic
damage
it's
unparalleled
in evolutionary
history
editing
it's
a
terrible
job
editing
depressing
soul
destroying
sucks
you
dry
editing
at
the
night
if
you
think
shakespeare
wrote
this
and
not
sir
henry
you
want
your
head
examined
the
BCD
and
compendium
my
personal
vietnam
so
much
of
my
life
and
time
invested
i
can't
afford
to
walk
away
will
there
be
the
same
outcome?
the difference between me and them is years and maybe an unbridgeable divide
it's
just
words
that
come
into
my
head
wife
and
children
wears
the
poor
male
to
skin
and
bone
except
those
that
avoid
it
; o )
the
thing
about
bukowski
is
alcohol
didn't
make
him
a
better
poet
thats
for
sure
he
could
have
been
shakespeare
but
he
chose
to
be
a
drunkard
well
maybe
it
did
make
him
a
better
poet !
you
have
to
trust
what
you
are
attracted
to
though
it
doesn't
seem
logical
we
are
here
for
a
day
blink
and
are
gone
we
are
two
beings
if
you
can't
see
it
with
humans
you
can
see
it
with
cows
they look
like
two
beings
themselves
and
their
gut
flora
you
tell
people
what
they
don't
want
to
hear
but
don't
force
it
on
them
you
are
not
in
too
much
danger
if
you
force
it
on
them
even
if
it's
inadvertent
you
are
in
danger
john
lennon
knows
zen
talks
it's
like
really
toxic
to
hear
some-one
speak
and
not
speak
yourself
de
botton
on
proust
it
took
me
a
while
but
there
are
substantial
issues
there
writing
as
memory
you
get
like
that
all
i
can
do
is
back
off
losing
money
losing
sleep
which
is
more
grief ?
i
don't
think
a
writers
writing
makes
sense
apart
from
their
lives
insomnia
i
guess
that
is
what
proust
was
about
memory
the
need
for
rememberance
more
accurately
constructed
have
i
exhausted
it
no
i
guess
that
means
yes !
god
i'm
writing
like
proust
endless
killing
why?
the
sense
is
pretty
simple
the
sound
is
more
involute
the
sight
is
even
more
complex
am
i
not
allowed
to
be
myself ?
no
most
of
us
are
too
cruel
by
half
or
whole
john
was
alive
and
now
john
is
dead
how
odd !
like
proust
i
just
want
to
weep
under
the
bed
covers
with
the
difficulty
of
it
all
and
sleep
i
couldn't
write
like
this
living
with
you
interestingly
there
is
a
coherence
to
all
this
when
you
are
mining
and
hit
the
ore
you
just
have
to
keep
going
where
am
i
going
away
where
have
i
gone
too
close !
i'm
so
upset
i
just
want
to
cry
not
just
with
you
but
the
murderous
writing
process
even
the
damn
pen
wants
to
run
out
if
we
didn't
need
each
other
we
would
have
broken
up
long
ago
humans
are
such
a
crazy
species
imposing
themselves
on
everything
the
extreme
male
female
differentiation
are
one
of
the
problems
with
it
and
benefits
time
is
a
curious
animal
the
common
mind
is
curiously
and
wrongly
literal
sorta
like
a
drug
really
it's
not
that
are
one ”
because
they
are
not
one
of
the
curious
things
about
zen
buddhism
is
it's
parallelism
but
non -
identity
women
like
who
they
like
and
dislike
who
they
dislike
we
are
told
shakespeare
is
great
i
don't
actually
find
him
that
interesting
a
male
may
think
he
has
to
get
something
done
the
female
lets
him
know
she
comes
before
that
theres
an hypocrisy
in
claiming
to
be
interested
in
what
is
true
and
not
actually
doing
that
where
are
you
on
that
horizon ?
management
are
capable
of
anything
even
thinking
occasionally
maybe
i
am
enough
of
a
child
i
don't
feel
the
lack
thereof
women
are
highly
specialized
reproductive
machines
men
are
some
sort
of
diffuse
beast
of
burden
for
the
above
at
times
i
cack
spewing
out
infinities
words
maybe
having
gone
to
christian
boarding
schools
i
have
more
of
a
burden
unwinding
christianity
than
most !
christianity
is
a
vast
obvious
that
the
composition
called
jesus
incororates
elements
of
the
earlier
hebrew
wisdom
tradition
the
origins
of
the
early
church
are
not
distinct
they
are
an
evolution
from
mithraism
and
an
inwinding
of
egyptian
deities
what you call scholarship are the rantings of a select group of schizophrenics employed by those mental institutions called theological colleges
if
god
and
jesus
were
true
what
are
you
doing
arguing
with
me
it's
because
you
doubt
and
need
to confirm
your
belief
by
disputing
with
me
look
to
god
you
hypocritical
swine
